Hurricane Itchygawky...

We flew out of Naha this morning, on our way to Itchygawky Island...I may have the spelling wrong on that, but all the words are in a foreign language here.  The weather was pretty wild when we flew out...the plane was rockin' like Jurassic was screwing in the can on one side of the airplane!  For those who don't know, Jurassic is the size of the hulk, but only turns green when he see's spiders...little bitty spiders send him into a tizzy and he whimpers like a 3 year old.  But I digress...the wind was wild, the sea was angry and other metaphorical bull crap.  So here we are in Itchy and Scratchy Japan or something, and we've rented an AirBnB that's really big by Japanese standards

 
To let you know how big this place is, I got a blue ping pong ball for scale...this place is huge!  You can almost sit down in the toilet..........almost.  As you know, TLD has traveled the world, met presidents, popes, celebrities almost as famous as me, and constipated people who don't give a shit, but this one had me stumped...what do you think this is all about?

My first inclination is it's some unnatural sexual act that I described to Cassandra...she said no, that's not unnatural...so go figure.  So in the middle of the hurricane, we went to lunch...little seafood place down the road, and they had the teeth of some shark or something, and pictures of all the people it ate!

There are a lot more pictures, but when I show all the pictures, you can barely see the teeth...and because the Japanese are so little, the shark ate them all on one day, which they call Burpday, and they celebrate it every year....................anyone buying this load of crap?

I don't know how he does it!

Santa found me in Okifinoki!  Naha! (don't laugh, remember?)  I don't know how the hell he did that...really, someone want to tell me how in the hell he found me?  Was it the big search lights they always fire up when I travel...was it all the red carpets the TLD fan clubs put out...was it the smell?  It's just unbelievable isn't it...and look what he brought me...

 Ya...Cassandra's daughter Alexa!  TLD is the VP of her fan club...ya, Cassandra is the Prez!  I got that shot on Xmas day watching the sun go down in Okifinoki...what a beauty!  This shot is at the end of a long day of shopping...that's how much I love that kid...TLD went shopping with the girls!  Alexa gave me a magic wallet...I press a button and all my credit cards fly up...I got to use it a lot shopping with those two!  We ended up back in the market, and some guy had an owl...owl didn't look too happy about it either...

He flew off and brought TLD back a dead, Russian rat...I congratulated him on his good taste!  The only distasteful part of it was the rat had Trump hair...even the owl wouldn't eat it!  That was yesterday, today we went up north on the island, to a nice little beach with really weird rock formations...

 
The girls did a little snorkeling...I hovered in case of an emegency!

While I was on guard duty, I saw this thing in the tide pool...at first I thought someone had been caught short, but the thing wasn't brown, and it was moving!

Cassandra said it was a sea cucumber.............ya right!  She's always trying to foolerate me!

A Japanese Castle....

So this castle I'm talking about is a remake of the original the Americans destroyed in the war.  It's all made out of wood, the buildings I mean, and kind of looks like a Chinese restaurant, but it's all good...I mean, if you like that kind of thing.  Here is one of the gates...

...and this is a decoration from the palace....looks like a place that I got really sick at...

They called it the Golden Dragon in Saskatoon...they served really mediocre Chinese, and high mileage hookers, but I digress!  They had this sign somewhere in the big square that people stand around in...

Being familiar with Japanese, I personally translated it for you..."Please make not roll in spaghetti during one legged race".  I don't make this stuff up...this woman was just as perplexed as I was...

They didn't run any spaghetti races when we were there, but that doesn't mean the Emperor didn't like them.  They had big walls and stuff...

...and the kind of stuff you'd expect from spaghetti racers...

 ...and this thing in the Emperors private toilet that kind of surprised me...

...ya, things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  While I was pondering little Tweeties fate, I looked over and Cassandra was trying to pick up some skate dude...I KICKED HIS ASS!!!!

The castle is up on a hill, and I thought we'd better get the hell out of there before any other animals started hitting on Cassandra, so we walked down this hill...

Thought maybe we'd get some tourist info, and when I came back out, this horndog was making obscene gestures at Cassandra who seemed to be welcoming them....hmmmmmmmmm again.

So then we went to a market...

...and this little old lady tried to get Cassandra to go home with her...

Christ, I thought the Russians were bad!

Naha Japan...littleland!

After flying all night, we got to Tokyo at about 6 pm local time, then another 3 hours to Naha, on the island of Okifinoki...the locals call it Okinawa...which means littleland!  I know that sounds like I'm dissing the Japanese, but stuff over here is small...obviously, I don't have experience in EVERYTHING, but here are a few examples:
1.  Naha in Japanese means don't laugh...no really...think about it...Na means no, and ha means laugh!
     So, if the name of the town is "Don't laugh"...what else is small?

2.  Here is Cassandra in our Kingsized suite!

3.  Possible difficulties ahead!

You can see the problem!

Anyway, we are about to adventure out into Littleland...we'll be safe, I'm wearing a condom again.

Mid air collision of drunk and obnoxious!

Ha.........................I'll bet you are sorry you ever wanted to read the drivel I write!  If you weren't before, now is the time!  I am in the air...writing to you from somewhere in the middle of nowhere...on an f'ing airplane!  I went from wine to some liqueur...now it's scotch to seal the deal!  First I watched the Jason Bourne movie because me man...me watch bad shit...well, mediocre shit, or same old shit...I lost track after the second scotch!  So here I am...up in the air flying to some foreign country nobody has ever heard of...ok, some of you may have heard of Japan...I think they experimented with a bomb there, but I think it's one of the Russian propaganda things.  So, here I am on an airplane, over someplace called Alaskaski...Russian I think...ya, more scotch!  Ya know, the f'n Russians are tailing me again...

See that bitch over my right or left shoulder...........Russian!  Yep.............I'm going to be more convinced when I have that other scotch...did I order it or did you?  Nevermind...they've turned out the lights and all sorts of shadowy characters are running about...shit, the sun is barely down and they have the lights out...WTF?  I've got Grace Jones on the headset...Slave to the rythm...isn't that a Catholic propaganda song...anyway, I'm on top of it!  This is what I see now...

F'ers have me blind...I'm goin' to switch to night vision...ya, that's better...

SHIT...I never should have bought my night vision from Trump at Night...BASTARDO!!!  OK, plan B....I'm going to crawl around on the floor and see whose panties I find....er, I mean I'm going to surveil the enemy area.  Yes, TLD will keep us safe...I'm wearing a condom already!