Mid air collision of drunk and obnoxious!

Ha.........................I'll bet you are sorry you ever wanted to read the drivel I write!  If you weren't before, now is the time!  I am in the air...writing to you from somewhere in the middle of nowhere...on an f'ing airplane!  I went from wine to some liqueur...now it's scotch to seal the deal!  First I watched the Jason Bourne movie because me man...me watch bad shit...well, mediocre shit, or same old shit...I lost track after the second scotch!  So here I am...up in the air flying to some foreign country nobody has ever heard of...ok, some of you may have heard of Japan...I think they experimented with a bomb there, but I think it's one of the Russian propaganda things.  So, here I am on an airplane, over someplace called Alaskaski...Russian I think...ya, more scotch!  Ya know, the f'n Russians are tailing me again...

See that bitch over my right or left shoulder...........Russian!  Yep.............I'm going to be more convinced when I have that other scotch...did I order it or did you?  Nevermind...they've turned out the lights and all sorts of shadowy characters are running about...shit, the sun is barely down and they have the lights out...WTF?  I've got Grace Jones on the headset...Slave to the rythm...isn't that a Catholic propaganda song...anyway, I'm on top of it!  This is what I see now...

F'ers have me blind...I'm goin' to switch to night vision...ya, that's better...

SHIT...I never should have bought my night vision from Trump at Night...BASTARDO!!!  OK, plan B....I'm going to crawl around on the floor and see whose panties I find....er, I mean I'm going to surveil the enemy area.  Yes, TLD will keep us safe...I'm wearing a condom already!