Another day, another rupee...

It is our second day on the tour...last night (the first day) we had dinner at Diggi Palace.  Who in the hell knew we'd be sitting outside?  I thought I was in Winnipeg for christ sake...even the witch put her tits away!  Ya, THAT cold!  Anyway, enough about me...I'll bet you are wondering what I did today! Glad you asked...we went to another damned fort, not as big, but just as deadly.  On our way to the silent, deadly fort...we saw this, the Palace of the Winds...

...cool place!  All my Uncles' concubines would line up at the windows (because way back then they weren't allowed to show their faces in public) and fart in unison!  They figured that nobody could see their faces, so no harm no foul!  Back to the fort...that deadly, silent, fooorrrrrttt!

The Indians were REALLY into this stuff...it amazes me that Custer got a single shot off!

          The Indians have elephants and everything...

Cassandra even rode one up the hill...

...wouldn't catch me on one of those things, THEY BUCK!!!  We didn't go all the way up the hill to the really big fort

 I can't figure out the fort thing...did settlers bring the wagon trains to the fort just so the Indians could shoot them?  Anyway, then we went to this thing called the Step Wells...sort of looked like an Escher drawing...

This guy rode one of the elephants...

...and this guy was a fort groupie...hanging out, smoking and coughing...

...and this old girl looks suspiciously like a Gastonguy-Beaudry recruit...

And so it goes...........but enough about me....................NOT!!!!

The lineage review...

Some of you are skeptical of my royal lineage...I've done my best to show my credentials, but you persist in questioning.  When we started this trip to India, I showed you pictures of myself and my relatives, just to prove I had Indian roots, and that you could trust what I say in the blog regarding all things Indian.  Being in Jaipur, I decided to drop by the old family house to show Cassandra around.  It was thunder and lightning out...pouring rain, but that didn't dampen our spirits!  It's a modest little place by TLD standards...

It has some electrical issues (which I will address later in the blog), but all in all, a cozy little place.  This is the gardeners cottage...

Times have changed sadly, it's now a 7/11...but the mango Slurpee's are really good!  They even have valet parking!

This I can't figure out...they had the canon pointed directly at the drive thru at the 7/11...I guess to scare off the drive-by gang violence...

Anyway, some of the doors to the palace are still adorned the was my relatives like them...and I just want to point out that that shit ain't wallpaper, I painted it by hand...well, some of it.

I'll have you know that I MADE that door myself...out of 1 piece of solid brass...and carved just the way I did those caves back in that place where the caves are...

Right in the entry way of the palace were painting of two of my great uncles.  This is Great, great Uncle Maharajah Mergatroid DeRanger Singh XII...he was a bit of a cross dresser...

...and Great, great, great Uncle Maharaja Daryl "Binky" DeRanger Singh LCXII...

Binky was a pool hustler in Albuquerque for a couple years before returning to India...the Paul Newman character in The Hustler is based on Binky...ya didn't know THAT, didya?  Anyway, we keep a cousin on staff here now...Raja "Fat Bastard" Bernard Singh II...he's the character the banjo player in Deliverance is based on...

And as we strolled away from memory lane, I got a picture of this guy, just so you wouldn't think I'd dropped the ball.

Oh crap, I almost forgot to explain the electrical problems!  As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words...here are the electricians...my buddy Perry is the third one on the left!

Why would they call it anything else?

We are currently in a very nice hotel in Jaipur...

We are up on the third floor which they call they second floor..........don't ask.  Somewhere close to the hotel is a mosque that has a unique way to broadcast the call to prayer in the morning and afternoon...they play Frank Sinatra singing "Come fly with me" but instead of "fly" they insert "pray"...so in the morning I wake up to "Come pray with me, let's pray, let's pray away....If you can use some booze, There's a bar in far Bombay...Come pray with me, let's pray, let's pray away!"  I guess they're marketing to infidels..............or something.  Anyway, while I was relieving myself the first night, I spotted this name on the toilet...why would they call it anything else?

...and this is the company that delivers them....and ONLY them!

...and this is their biggest client...although they seem to be out of business...

On our second day in Jaipur, I took to the streets to find some old men...they weren't at the Hardas Mansion, but I did find them...

 

I got back to the hotel just in time to meet Chon from Arkansas...

We met a few of the people that are on the tour we are joining in a few days...all women, all lusting after me...Cassandra broke out the cattle prod.........

I'M BAAAACK!

Lakshadweep...I know I never (Trump) told you it meant lack of shade making me cry, and now I'm not telling you (Trump again) it means "I'm gunna puke because we spent 9 hours getting to and from this place on a shitty little boat that goes too slow"!  Now that IS accurate!  Lakshadweep is a group of islands somewhat close to The Maldives, but less developed.  The island we stayed on is called Kadmat...for some reason I couldn't remember that and always called it Mactac...so sue me!  No internet for 7 days...I missed King Dumbass's inauguration...in case you don't know where I stand on this issue, my buddy Jurassic send this:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RMwjaZouNY

That should clear things up a bit.

Life on Mactac is leisurely...no, comatose!  This is rush hour in Mactac...

I could take that shot anytime of the day, and other than the sun changing position, EMPTY!  It wasn't all nice though...just look at the shitty beaches up north!

 What kind of self respecting beach would have a rock on it?  Disgraceful!  Cassandra went into the kitchen and taught the staff how to cook...that was a good thing...she showed them what to do with green papaya!

   It's a good thing they didn't ask me...ya...think about it!  We took a tour of the island in an empty 15 minutes we had...I got this shot of a rope maker in town...

...but usually, our days ended like this...

Now we are in Jaipur...I successfully no longer know where I am, or what day it is!  I know Jaipur is in India...3 plane rides and a long boat trip from Mactac.  We left yesterday...today is today.  Now that you are all caught up, it's time for you to leave some funny comments...ya, even the shy people...take a chance...I almost hardly ever bite!