Vrindavan is a holy town in Uttar Pradesh, northern India.

OK, so here we go...I'll take Anne and Dave's word for it...we're in India.  We had a really shitty hotel last night...we've upgraded...like, we've hit the jackpot here!  I have no idea what it's called...they barely speak English here, and they call things funny names.......whaaatEver!  First.....Anne, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, decided to feed her glasses to a monkey!  WTF Anne...

The minute she did that, she decided "hey, those are my f'n glassed............WTF????"  OK Anne...look at the nice birdies over here...

This guy thought I was flipping Anne the bird, and I was, but not like that...

Then my buddy Dave "Casanova" O'Neil decided he wanted a second wife, and asked this woman...

She was a little pissed that she got stuck with my buddy Dave "The Machine" O'Neil instead of TLD, and started to whine...

Her chai buddy didn't try to console her much...

She took my buddy Dave "Boogie Nights" O'Neil into the alley to try him out, and in a few minutes he came running out squealing like a little piglet...she gave back the twenty rupees Dave gave her!  Anyway, most of that happened I think...I'll get back to you on that.  At some point we were hanging around a temple...or was it a Starbucks?...something..........and I think this guy was taking tickets...

I guess they weren't paying him enough, and we just walked in and immediately met the Indian Santa Claus...he was there with a very drunk elf...Alphonse!

Alfonse was singing "Hello, I love you" just like Jim Morrison...that surprised me because I always thought Jim had teeth...maybe not.  This kid waiting for Santa wasn't impressed...

...but these kids were VERY impressed with Alfonses dancing...

I was into my 14th beer when things got a little fuzzy...we must have been here...wherever that is...

...and this guy said he could tattoo a Spanish Galleon on my ass for $14 US...

...my buddy Dave "The Illustrated Man" said he bet me the guy couldn't...this woman volunteered to be the judge...

...and we went to her house...

...I got a little nervous when he said he'd never seen such a nice ass....hmmmmm...oh look at the time...gotta go!  I thought this looked like a good place to get a drink...

...but I got distracted by my buddy Dave "Diane Arbus" O'Neil having the time of his life...

My buddy Dave"the nasal cavity" O'Neil likes to get REALLY  close with a long lens, and shoot nose hair...he's funny that way!  Anyway, I got this shot just before Anne found me in my usual place...the gutter!

Dell to Delhi

Amigos, you haven't heard from me for a few days...I heard that cheering...NOT NICE!  Anyway, courtesy of Dell, I was introduced to the blue screen of death, as Dave "blind melon chitlin'" O'Neil puts it.  My computer crashed, and I spent our 4 days in Delhi getting it going again!  Unfortunately, the guy that handles my IT needs didn't accompany me on this trip...BIG MISTAKE!  I was on my own people, and you know how THAT will turn out.  First I went to the concierge and told him my problem...he looked up Dell service on the web, printed it up for me and off I went!  I can do this!  F'n WRONG!  I showed the tuktuk guy the address, he said 100 rupees...piece of cake...here we go!  The shop was only 1.5 kms away...5 kms later he wants 500 rupees to take me back to the hotel...he had no idea where the shop was!  Aaaaaahhhhhhh, I had him arrested and tortured, then I found six more tuktuks to take me to the Dell place...nobody knows where the hell anything is here!  By the time I encountered Dr. Rajan the travelling gynecologist...

...and his trusty assistant Skippy...

...I was pissed!  They said that I should calm down, and had me snort some fentanyl!  That worked!  Never did find the Dell shop...oh well.  I don't know what happened next for sure, but I somehow misplaced the name of the hotel...my buddy Dave the Albino came to the rescue, called the TLD limo ...it had somehow been changed into another tuktuk, and after about an hour of driving around, and no less than 200 phone calls, I made it back to the hotel.  The fentanyl was wearing off, so I got a beer...WHAT AN F'N ORDEAL!  After a big Kingfisher beer, I'd forgotten what was wrong, but my buddy Dave the Hermaphrodite reminded me about the computer...oh ya...that.  I went back to my room to lick my wounds.  I threw open the drapes to find a spaceship parked a few blocks away...

My buddy Dave the Astronaut said that puppy was ready to light the candle, and that we should got get on!  Ya baby!  The Russians must have had something to do with it, because it was gone by the time we got there.  My buddy Dave the bartender said he knew of a place we could go that had beer...

It was a little sketchy, but my buddy Dave the Enforcer said he would keep me safe...he doesn't drink, well except for Old Pervert rum...this was our bartender...

I didn't want to know his name...he had a dead rat  hanging around his neck.  Next, my buddy Dave the Buckaroo asked if I wanted to ride a Brahma bull...I was full of sauce, so I said "HELL YA!"  Wouldn't ya know it, the damned bull ran by before I could hop on...

...that was, as my buddy Dave the former Monkee said, was the last bull to Clarksville...shit, had my heart set on riding that puppy.  Anyway, I'd lost track of where we were, but my buddy Dave the tour guide said he knew...and this is what I saw...

My buddy Dave the neurosurgeon says tomorrow we go to Manhattan...I've lost track of where we are...I thought it was India...wonder if Studio 54 is still open?  My buddy Dave "Ansel Adams" O'Neil took the photo without my permission...he's in intensive care for the night.