The History of The Maldives...lesson 1

The Maldives were discovered September 26, 1964...I know, I thought it was older too...by 7 shipwrecked people.  No known traces of the ship, the S.S. Minnow, have ever been recovered.  The 7, led by "The Captain", or Skipper (no relation to Skippy Finkelstein) was brave and sure, the mate was a mighty sailing man...if not for the courage of the fearless crew, none would have survived.  On board the Minnow were 5 passengers...Thurston Howell  III, his wife, a professor, a legitimate movie star name Ginger Silicon, and a porno queen name Marianne.  As legend has it, they built this resort using tools they made themselves.  The professor built a desalination plant that worked until the tsunami took it out a few years ago.  The cabins are quite luxurious, with a/c, flat screen tv's, and minibars!

TLD is a smidge uncomfortable here...there are tons of Russians here!  They walk around in the open and everything...some crawl through the bushes, but they have half empty bottles in their hands, and make a hell of a noise.  If I don't write anymore, you'll know what happened.  Here is what the lobby looks like...

 ...and remember I was talking about the accommodations the Skipper, and Willie Gilligan whipped up for the passengers...

...and Karen and Alan came down on their boat for a visit...but not to visit us...

...and this little honey was running around in her new dress!...

...and here is our first sunset in the Maldives...it was a LONG day!

So that's the end of lesson 1...tomorrow, lesson 2 "The Gangsters", or how to actually swim with the fishes.

Goodnight Sri Lanka...

Our last night in Sri Lanka...I know, poor us, have to go to the Maldives...we'll survive.  Today I went to the top of our hotel...nice rooftop bar up there...nice views too...

...the brown building is the Sri Lankan parliament.  Here is an early morning kid with the pool all to himself...

Cassandra was out shopping, and when she got back we went up to the roof for the sunset...our last in Sri Lanka...

...and here is the full sky...

...if any of you are considering a visit to Sri Lanka, TLD highly recommends it!  I know that normally means avoid it, and maybe you should...because if you're a big enough dick not to take MY advice, there is no hope for you.  Goodnight Sri Lanka...WE LOVE YOU!!!

Second last day in Sri Lanka...Colombo...the untold story!

Remember these two...the bikers from Victoria...

 ...we had dinner with them last night and they showed their true colours...using some sort of jamming device on the restaurant computer so we couldn't pay with credit cards...couldn't even figure out how to make up a bill!  They don't seem like the nefarious types...but I'm sure they're either bikers, or CIA.  Before dinner, we went for a walk and saw some interesting people...

...and, of course, the sunset

 ...we had made reservations at this restaurant...even told them what table we wanted...

...but they gave our table away...which seems suspicious now that I know Connie and Tony are CIA!  Anyway, we made our way back to Colombo, and checked back into the Kingsbury...pretty swanky!

...and headed out to meet some locals...like Godfather Mustafa...

...got that shot just before his guards shoved my camera up my...well, hid my camera on me.  Cassandra had to help me out...was a shitty job, but I was indisposed.  Then we met Bobaji the Shoe...

...it looks like he's repairing shoes on the street, but really it's murder for hire..."getting the boot" means something very different here.  Then we met Uncle Guine (Juice), and his lieutenant Crazy Habib...

 ...Cassandra got scared at this point, so we went into some old Dutch church...had trouble finding the door, but not nearly the difficulty the Dutch had...they're almost blind ya know.  The church gate had the crest of HoMaDik...

...legendary warrior...massacred a bunch of patriots...tea drinkers I think...seems history will repeat itself this weekend.  
Tomorrow is our last day in Sri Lanka...I'll take requests for what we should do!

Almost out of Galle...

Pretty interesting breakfast this morning...ran into Amanda and Zach (http://littlebylittleonetravelsfar.blogspot.ca/) from Portland and some secret Kentucky town, but currently living and teaching in China...what a great story...wonder if any of it is true...hmmmmmm, they seem kind of normal, but then why would they talk to ME?  

 Oh right, I'm a celebrity!  We swapped travel stories, I gave history lessons (which they wrote down furiously), and generally had a nice breakfast.  Then Connie and Tony (https://sageonsail.wordpress.com/) came in...they happen to be from Victoria...oh how nice...how long have you been travelling?...let me see...4 YEARS!!!

Personally, I think they're on the run from the law...I think they're bikers.  Tony kept saying where's my Harley?, and Connie had a leather bustier on underneath her top...it showed when she bent over...BUT I WASN'T LOOKING DOWN HER TOP!  The story is a sailboat...something about circumnavigating the world for the 4th time...who believes shit like that...nobody does stuff like that...not bikers anyway!  Then Amanda and Zach said goodbye...back to China, or that secret town in Kentucky...we might see them again for the Women's World Cup in Vancouver this summer!  While all this travel bragging was going on, some guy was taking wedding photos across the street...here's the bride...WOW!!!

 ...and some DICK (Jurassic) wrote in the comments, that nobody ever smiles here...ya mean like this?

 ...it occurs to me that I should have been wearing pants...but whatever.  You see this church...seems pretty normal, right?  

There are several remarkable things about this church...first, it was the first 7/11 in Sri Lanka...second, it showcases the rich pirate history of Sri Lanka!  Ya...PIRATES!  Inside the church, the floor is paved with tombstones...like this one...

...this is the tombstone of the dread pirate Skippy Finkelstein!  Skippy's mom wanted him to be a dentist, BUT NOOOOO!  As the inscription on the headstone reads, Skippy was best known for his viciousness, and his flamboyant feather boas...I'm pretty sure that's what it said...I don't make this stuff up ya know.  This is the headstone of Alister Longwinkey, the first transexual pirate...

...he is best remembered for his viciousness, and being the first to wear ruby slippers...they didn't teach me this stuff in school ya know...I RESEARCH!  Galle seems to have a history of things changing hands...like that converted 7/11 to a catholic church...well this is an old catholic church converted to a Buddhist temple...oh, and as you can see, it's also the start/finish line for the Galle Grand Prix F1 race!

...and here is the current Methodist Church that is the former home of the Sri Lanka KKK...go figure!

...I didn't ask who this guy is...he horked up a big luggie just before I took this shot...

...so our time is almost up in Galle...I hope my extensive knowledge of history has kept the blog interesting for you...some say I'm almost as good as Fox News, which of course is flattering...didn't Walter Cronkite work for them?  We are back in Colombo tomorrow, for 2 days of R&R before we really relax in The Maldives.  I'm sure there are interesting historically unusual things to report on.  Here is a pretty cool guy from this morning...

Ya wanna Unawatuna?

So, we woke up in Galle...and yes, I do have a lot!  We decided we would go to a museum, and you know me, I'm all about the history!  So we hired a tuktuk, and set off.  Then I saw this on the back of a van...my question is, aren't we all?

...before the museum, we came across this Sri Lankan Air Force fighter that had been shot down in the bush...

...the museum place was all about Sri Lankan history, but they wouldn't let me take any pics.  Did you know Sri Lankans made weapons grade steel 2000 years ago?  I did...sort of.  They had all kinds of cool stuff, and our guide kept talking about some famous Sri Lankan guy with a long name...wrote books or something.  His house is on the grounds...

...he had this REALLY long name, and to save money, they buried him next to his house some time in the 70's...

...I guess they weren't crazy about the guy because they didn't even do a tombstone in English so people could read about who he was...he had a really long name.  There were birds too...

Then we went to Unawatuna Beach...the English translation is "I've got a big fish in my pants...wanna see?".  Kind of a "get laid" kind of beach atmosphere...

...and here is the winner of the "mama doesn't own a mirror" bikini contest...

 ...and some others that didn't qualify...

After the beach, we went for a walk...ended up having lunch, and getting the kill look from a tuktuk driver we didn't hire...

...and some nice flowers...

...the light was good at the lighthouse...

...I think the Dutch built the lighthouse to shine light on the clock at the far end of the bay...so they could see what time it was...they're almost blind ya know.  They have lottery sellers everywhere...

...she looks like a particularly tough one.  The fort is surrounded by water...with the Dutch being half blind, they had to see enemies coming for a long way...big rocks out there too...

...two little boys chasing the crows around...

...the sea was looking troubled...

...looks kind of cool in this one...the crow cooperated...

 ...and this guy is just coming home...

...sun was going down...

...and Cassandra was doing a painting...isn't she cute!