Ollantaytambo...pronounced Oivay-carumba

I don't know this to be true, but in my experience, if you are Peruvian it means you are part mountain goat!  It is definitely NOT a slam!  Yesterday, we were on the edge of a sheer cliff, using every last spidey trick we had, and 2 young girls carrying 70 lb packs bounced past us like they were levitating...CRAP!  They were gone by the time I even thought WTF?  And another thing, they have the weirdest dogs I've ever seen.

Is that a cross between a spaniel, and a St. Bernard?  It's no wonder they have strange dogs cuz hardly anything is flat.  We had to pay extra just to see this little flat area the dog was crapping in...can you believe it?  Anyway, Ollantaytambo is a great little town nestled in the mountains, 10 miles (1.5 hours by train...very slow train) from Machu Picchu...it was so nice we stayed there for three days!  These are the ruins we climbed...and had the perfect view of from our cozy hotel room...

Casstonto has formally changed her name to Dora the Explorer...I told her it was taken, and all she did was throw her feathers at me!  Here she is...walking/hiking stick et al...

 Here is Dora in front of the Temple of the Sun...pay attention to how perfectly those blocks...150 ton blocks quarried 50 miles away, fit together!

 You couldn't get a fly's pubic hair in there!

Here's some other stuff...

Dora said we weren't high enough yet...which I COMPLETELY misinterpreted...she meant we had to hike another 10,000 ft up to see an Inca jail.  I didn't see why we had to do that, I'd probably end up in one anyway.  What Dora wants, Dora gets.  So we hiked up to the jail...the walk up would have killed mere mortals, but TLD and Dora barely broke a sweat...well, maybe only Dora didn't break a sweat...TLD had to change clothes 4 times on the way up!  Some jail I tell ya...

The jails I've been in held more than 4 people...not this one.  They had these holes carved in the rock, and chained the prisoners up fully exposed to the sun until they died!

Those Incas were some badass dudes.  The thing they don't tell you is, the prisoners were dead within 15 minutes of arrival just from the climb!  I think this guy was one of the escapees...about 100ft above the jail.

We climbed down as the sun was setting...

...and we wandered around Allantaytambo as it got dark...

...and these are the planters in the town square...

Oivay-carumba!

Machu Picchu...ever hear of it?

Machu Picchu is the new Disneyland!  Holy crap, what a zoo.  We got up at 5am to get there by 8:30am...we climb several thousand steps to get to the photo everyone sees when they think of Machu Picchu...here is what we saw...

...and that is just the lineup for Starbucks!  Shooting up at the place this photo was taken from shows just how long that lineup is...

That little shack at the top is the Starbucks...can you believe it!  Anyway, Machu Picchu is ok...even in the rain...

 

To be honest, the place is a little run down.  I wouldn't say it's even a fixer-upper...who in the hell wants a house  in a place you have to climb several thousand steps to get to?  And when ya get there, there are NO elevators...everything is way up, or way down.  I wore out a couple pairs of shoes and even a couple of titanium hip joints just trying to get a cup of coffee!  They give you 4 hours in this place and there isn't a single bathroom...hiding around every corner are guys selling Depends...seems like a good business there!  Here is one of the highest points at Machu Picchu...

I think they ran out of energy by time they got up there...it's sort of the Incan version of a mobile home.  So much for Machu Picchu...at the bottom of the mountain is a crappy little town called Aquas Calientes...kind of like Moose Jaw with 40,000 trinket sales booths!  We had lunch there...did I mention it was raining? 

Across the square were a couple of Trump supporters...under an overhang, completely dry, but insisting on the umbrella for the 1.5 hours that we ate lunch.

As I said, it was raining..............the river was going crazy!

...and that was our trip to Machu Picchu...............any questions?

The day before Machu Picchu

Anyone who has read this blog (both of you) know that in India I got a little distracted by the men...Peru seems to be women.  The only men we see seem to be working construction, or some other "manly" thing...women do everything else!  The market stuff we love so much seems to be their domain.  We left Cusco on a mission to get to Machu Picchu yesterday (Tuesday).  There are a few sites we wanted to see between here and there, so we hired a car and driver to do that.  The first place we went to was ok, but I can't remember the name.  Anyway, there was a great lady selling wrist bands...Casstonto had to have one...here she is...

Like I said, the site was ok...

I think t one time or another we have all felt like we worked at the salt mine...here is the real thing!

I don't know what the hell it's called...I only found out we are in Peru a couple of hours ago!  Who cares how salt is made...I took their word for it...something about puddles and other complicated stuff.  So after we saw the salt mines...I think it was called Saltysaltarooney,  does that make you feel better?  Did you know I listen to Led Zepplin when I write this crap?  After the salt mine, we drove to some crop circles and saw this...

Looks pretty, but I have no idea what it is.  So we stopped in some town called HolycrapI'minPeru...that one is hard to pronounce...take a shot...I always burp when I say it.  Anyway, we saw all these people lined up to meet me, or  a doctor or something...

I asked the Dr. what they were sick of, she said men, and Casstonto confirmed...what?  Did I mention the crop circles...you thought I was jivin' ya didn't ya?...well looky here...

I took these from my helicopter.............Don't ask me, I don't know what the hell they are...if I tell you it's a water balloon drop will ya get off my back?  Then we went to a place called Oyantetumbo...hey, I don't make this crap up!  That's when we saw this stuff...

Tomorrow Machu Picchu...I lied, we did that today, but I'm too lazy to do another blog tonight, so screw off!!!  hahahaha...maybe another shot before bed........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh