Temple time...

Today was temple day.  There are roughly 22 billion temples in Sri Lanka...today we saw most of them.  They aren't the kind of temples you see everyday, unless you're here...which we are.  You don't go in, you go around...

...I went around this one twice, looking for the entrance...nope, you just go around.  This monk couldn't even find his way in...

I don't know what the hell these things are all about because all the directions are in a foreign language.  Anyway, we started off really early in this tuktuk, driven by a guy that could talk faster than the speed of sound...

 ...and we went to the temple you saw above, and there was this nice old lady...

...she told me that she was praying she'd find the door to get in, like everyone else.  So we went to another temple...

...not as many people looking for the door here.  I think at one time these were like domes for sports...and this is one of the cups they played for...

Sometimes, they have little side temples...like this...

...and sometimes they had these fatguy statues around...

...look at the earlobs on that guy!  So people hang out and look for an entrance...sometimes they set smelly stuff on fire...

...and sometimes there are old wrecked buildings lying around next to the big temples without doors...

 ...and another one of the fatguy statues...

 ...cows are the lawnmowers...

...and one of the German tourists told me this is where they invented pole dancing...cool!

Kinda makes sense with all those pole things, and the welcome statues...no fatguy statues here!  There are also monkeys everywhere...

...and you can see that first big white temple from almost everywhere...

I didn't know the Nazis invaded Sri Lanka and built libraries for Asians...did they really do that?

Maybe that's where the "no doors" tradition started.  There was a cool reflecting pool in the middle of someplace...

...and at the far end were the Gastonguay-Beaudry's replacement spies...remember yesterday on the train...nice young couple, perfect disguise...

You can't slip anything past TLD!!!  Anyway, this guy was at a karaoke bar last night...had a few too many...HEY...IT HAPPENS...anyway, his buddies tied him to this post, and left him outside one of the temples with the lyrics for "I left my heart in San Francisco" next to him.  Joke's on him!

Then I found this little vixen prancing among the ruins...

...aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what a day...time for a cold one!

Train time...

Hmmmm...what can I say about Sri Lankan trains...they are equal parts roller coaster, mechanical bull, and unmuffled jet engine!  They aren't as smooth as Vietnamese trains...no, they are more like an earthquake on wheels...ONLY LOUDER!!!  Currently we are in a town I can't pronounce, in a very nice guest house with great wifi...and no beer.  There was an election yesterday, and they dumped the corrupt president in favour of a farmer, or someone.  I don't want to know more because there's no beer...they stop sales of liquor for election day, AND the day after.  Don't they know I'm a visiting dignitary?  They should have beer.

Anyway, as I told you, they had an election.  ALWAYS at the centre of everything exciting, I got this shot of the press waiting outside of the parliament buildings...

...but more importantly, this is what we did last night!  We ate without beer...it was really good except for the lack of beer.

...and this is what we looked like at the Ministry of Crab...

...then we went back to the hotel, but before we went back, the hotel corridor looked like this...

...and the sun went down and everything...confused yet?

...ok, I lied...they had beer at dinner tonight!!!!  Let me make this perfectly clear...naw...why start now!  Ha...so, the hotel...

...and people at the train station...

...it's good to have beer again...BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!  What the hell was I saying?...oh ya, nuthin'...uh...particularly profound...and the saying they had on the train car to remind me not to be the drunken me...

...if yer travelling facedown, where else would you be?  So these 3 guys got on and chowed down like ravenous dogs...but without beer!

...and people on the train that went round and round...looked like this...

...then I had some beeeeeeeeeeeeer for dinner!  Did you know that you can buy smak in Sri Lanka anywhere...anywhere I tell ya...

Did I tell ya that we were on the Crazy Train today, and I had beeeer for dinner...did I?  Here is the guest house we're in...
...but they say they won't rent the house tuktuk limo to us...WTF is with THAT???

I went for a stroll and saw these nice little flowers...

...and Mick Jagger lives next door...

Did I mention they had beer at dinner?

Columbo...day 1

We left Vancouver at 1:30 pm on Tuesday, and got to our hotel at 2:30 am Thursday Sri Lanka time...ugh.  Almost 18 hours flying, less than an hour to change planes in Hong Kong (checked bag with toiletries didn't make it), 5 movies, 22 scotches, 5 glasses of wine, 37 meals, 212 trips to the bathroom...and all the while my trusty sidekick Casstonto is in my ear saying that now that she is on the board of directors at her golf club,  wearing her headdress is unbecoming a director!  I thought Cassmembo would be a good name...she came up with a bunch of lawyer stuff about how nobody would know what the hell that meant...so other than PATIENT, what do you think a good sidekick name would be?

So after sort of sleeping for a few hours, we went down to have some breakfast and saw this...

...I thought I'd crawled down the rabbit hole...hmmmmmm.  Breakfast was really good...with good old whatshername...

 
...a little way away was this cute little girl sitting with her parents (we later met them...really nice locals)...

...and because we are right on the water, the local dredger came by for a dig...

Did I mention...IT'S HOT HERE...I'M SWEATING...THE AC IS ON...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...just like where you are I'm sure...hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!  Anyway, enough being a dick...we went for a walk and saw a few things...

 ...and this nasty bird that kept swearing at me in Sri Lankan...

...well I told him some things he'd never heard before I'll tell ya!  Right under that stinky little bird was this really nice flower...

...and because we head out tomorrow on some train, we went to the train station to get a ticket...

...and just like those damned Russians, the damned bird was there...see him hiding in the rafters...

...I think this is sort of like the train we'll be on tomorrow...

...and just like Hong Kong last year where we saw a tree growing right out of a wall, here was another one!

Now you tell me...I think this is kinda weird...my unnamed sidekick saw this sign and made me immediately put on a condom...WTF?

Colombo is 5 million people...there's lots of construction...

...and lots of old buildings left over from a bunch of non-beer making tools...

Oh, and that's another thing...we just get here, and they throw some stupid election...like for president or something, and I can't buy any beer!!!  That almost pushed me over the edge I tellya!!!  Did I mention it's beautiful and warm here!!!!  hahahahahahahaha  So we went to the pool...hahahahaha...

...YA BABY!!!  Just a bunch of old fatties (like us) runnin' around, but some nice pots...

  ...and this little hottie next to the pool!