Storytime...

Girls and boys, there may be 8 million story's in the Naked City...but there are almost as many in Bhujodi, India!  Story #1  This old man may have alzheimer's, or he may just be weird, but his village gave him the boot because he could no longer weave...which meant he could no longer make money to feed himself.  Things can be harsh here in rural India.  However, the good people of Bhujodi gave him a home and small tasks that he performs for the weavers every day!  He now has a new tribe!

Story #2  The matriarch of the village of Bhujodi...the general, the person that gives all the orders...the consummate grandmother!  You may notice that she likes her jewelry too!

Story #3  "The Spinner"  At 81 y/o, she spins every day....wool, cotton, camel...you name it, she spins it.  She sat on a cement floor for 4 hours spinning while we were there, and got up faster than you'd ever believe!  She has lot's of ceremonial tattoos too!  She kept asking the translator who all these fools were taking so many photos of her!

Story #4  This one I don't know about...she was selling cheap crap on the street, but didn't look too happy about it...I was afraid to talk with her.

The woman running the tour we are on is called Charlotte, and her daughter is Sophena...a real beauty, inside and out!

Trumpsized fort!

UGE...f'n UGE...I've seen big, I grew up in Saskatchewan....ok, bad example....here, I've seen Donald on TV...ya, it was a big TV, but that man's gut is bigger than most of the states that elected him!  THIS is bigger!

It's way up on a hill, overlooking Jodhpur...who in the hell puts an "H" in Jodhpur?

 In this Trumpsized fort, this single, little canon had plenty of symbolic significance!  If this fort had hands, this pee shooter would signify teeny weeny!  Speaking of Trump, is he still a moronic asshole?  We don't get the latest news here...probably a good 15 minutes behind CNN, but they think he's a sophomoric, moronic, ego-maniacal, lunatic, short sighted asshole.  The fort is very nice....and big!

I don't think this makes it look all that big, but I liked the birds...

Here's my Great, Great Uncle Daryl's hot yoga room...had hot chicks all over the place...

Speaking of hot chicks, here's Cassandra doing something...

After the big fort, we had lunch and made our way back to the hotel...which, BTW, is a former f'n palace!  Here's the pool...

...and here's the guy that keep the bad people out...

...and this is some kind of flowery thing...

Tomorrow, we fly to Bombay to take a hand to hand combat class...we learn how to kill a man with a dried mushroom in the shape of a wizened ear!  Then the next day we fly to my favourite place in the world, Booze.......can't wait to report from THERE!!!

Dye another day...

We are on this tour so that Cassandra can explore Indian testicles...er, textiles...I always get those two confused.  Yesterday, we got on the big bus and motored off into the countryside to a little village (100,000 people) called Bagru...that may be wrong, but what do you care...you're still thinking testicles.  There Cassandra turned her hands blue monkeying around with indigo...there are many things you don't know about Cassandra...like she loves to grovel around on the ground picking up old kite string just next to the pisswall...yes, just what you think it is.  There are more cell phones in India than indoor toilets.

  She bought a beautiful shawl yesterday...one with a big toenail sewn into it!  I wouldn't have done this, but she bit that thing out with a skill I found astonishing!  Don't worry, she didn't eat it.....as far as I know.   Her shawl now has a toenail hole in it...but that makes it quaint...she says!  She seems innocent enough when you first meet her, doesn't she?  So she was dyeing some stuff...napkins or sleeping bags, I lose track...and I went off into the village to get some old man shots!

After all that stuff, we got back to the tour compound where there was a band waiting for me to dance!

I didn't want to show off, but I did anyway!

I had just stuck my single back flip here...the judges gave me a 9 because my legs were apart...

Here I am waving to my adoring fans after landing the double back....twice!  They love me here! Today, we had a free day...a day we could go out and shop!...the day I put JUST ahead of  "sliding down a 50' razor blade into a pool of iodine" day.  Oh, lucky day.  We went to the pot and pan bazaar...yes, it's every bit as interesting as it sounds.  Fortunately, Cassandra caught a little interaction between TLD and one of my subjects..."Yes, I took your photo..."

..."ya, see...right here..."

"...that's a picture of me?...HEY, THAT'S ME!"

..."Ya sneaky bastard!"

He was so focused on what he was doing, he had no idea I was even there!

Anyway, Cassandra bought a bunch of stuff...and I took these...

 Tomorrow we get outta Dodge (Jaipur)...and head for Jodhpur...can't these Indians spell...who in the hell would put an "H" in Jodhpur...not as bad as putting an f'n Trump in the Whitehouse, but weird.

Another day, another rupee...

It is our second day on the tour...last night (the first day) we had dinner at Diggi Palace.  Who in the hell knew we'd be sitting outside?  I thought I was in Winnipeg for christ sake...even the witch put her tits away!  Ya, THAT cold!  Anyway, enough about me...I'll bet you are wondering what I did today! Glad you asked...we went to another damned fort, not as big, but just as deadly.  On our way to the silent, deadly fort...we saw this, the Palace of the Winds...

...cool place!  All my Uncles' concubines would line up at the windows (because way back then they weren't allowed to show their faces in public) and fart in unison!  They figured that nobody could see their faces, so no harm no foul!  Back to the fort...that deadly, silent, fooorrrrrttt!

The Indians were REALLY into this stuff...it amazes me that Custer got a single shot off!

          The Indians have elephants and everything...

Cassandra even rode one up the hill...

...wouldn't catch me on one of those things, THEY BUCK!!!  We didn't go all the way up the hill to the really big fort

 I can't figure out the fort thing...did settlers bring the wagon trains to the fort just so the Indians could shoot them?  Anyway, then we went to this thing called the Step Wells...sort of looked like an Escher drawing...

This guy rode one of the elephants...

...and this guy was a fort groupie...hanging out, smoking and coughing...

...and this old girl looks suspiciously like a Gastonguy-Beaudry recruit...

And so it goes...........but enough about me....................NOT!!!!

The lineage review...

Some of you are skeptical of my royal lineage...I've done my best to show my credentials, but you persist in questioning.  When we started this trip to India, I showed you pictures of myself and my relatives, just to prove I had Indian roots, and that you could trust what I say in the blog regarding all things Indian.  Being in Jaipur, I decided to drop by the old family house to show Cassandra around.  It was thunder and lightning out...pouring rain, but that didn't dampen our spirits!  It's a modest little place by TLD standards...

It has some electrical issues (which I will address later in the blog), but all in all, a cozy little place.  This is the gardeners cottage...

Times have changed sadly, it's now a 7/11...but the mango Slurpee's are really good!  They even have valet parking!

This I can't figure out...they had the canon pointed directly at the drive thru at the 7/11...I guess to scare off the drive-by gang violence...

Anyway, some of the doors to the palace are still adorned the was my relatives like them...and I just want to point out that that shit ain't wallpaper, I painted it by hand...well, some of it.

I'll have you know that I MADE that door myself...out of 1 piece of solid brass...and carved just the way I did those caves back in that place where the caves are...

Right in the entry way of the palace were painting of two of my great uncles.  This is Great, great Uncle Maharajah Mergatroid DeRanger Singh XII...he was a bit of a cross dresser...

...and Great, great, great Uncle Maharaja Daryl "Binky" DeRanger Singh LCXII...

Binky was a pool hustler in Albuquerque for a couple years before returning to India...the Paul Newman character in The Hustler is based on Binky...ya didn't know THAT, didya?  Anyway, we keep a cousin on staff here now...Raja "Fat Bastard" Bernard Singh II...he's the character the banjo player in Deliverance is based on...

And as we strolled away from memory lane, I got a picture of this guy, just so you wouldn't think I'd dropped the ball.

Oh crap, I almost forgot to explain the electrical problems!  As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words...here are the electricians...my buddy Perry is the third one on the left!