Aurangabad to Hyderabad to Kochi...

We left Aurangabad with good intentions...you know it doesn't end well!  Packed the night before, got up early to get breakfast and go to a mausoleum...sort of a mini Taj Mahal.  Story is, a rock star named Big Willie...I don't know what the Indian translation is...but he met, and fell in love with a groupie named Trixie.  Apparently Trixie had a huge set of lungs on her...sort of a cross between Aretha Franklin and Kitty Wells...and Trixie could sing, gargle, and play the violin at the same time!  This drove Big Willie CRAZY...the first time he saw her do that he kind of wet his pants and stuff!  Big Willie loved Trixie, and Trixie loved Big Willie, but this love story was not to be.  Trixie had a thing for naked sky diving...the chute didn't open and she was impaled on Big Willies flag pole while Big Willie sunbathed.  To say the least, Big Willie was crushed!  He build this mausoleum as tribute, and called it the Trixie Mahal...

Cassandra was sitting on the partition half way down the non-reflecting pool, drawing...

This is the window looking out from Trixie's burial room...couldn't show the casket for licensing reasons.  I don't think this was the first time Trixie slid down a pole...well, enough about that...

Big Willie did a fine job...I thought it was a little crass to have the flag pole through the casket, but what do I know?

We had to run out of the Trixie Mahal to check out of our hotel...the one that a worker tried to break into our room while we were in it to rob us...and then get to our plane.  The corpse was still  hanging on the pole where I left him...as a warning NOT to mess with TLD...that was good!  We climbed into the cab with the trembling cab driver, and headed off to the airport.  Turns out, in all our haste, we had missed the fact that the plane was delayed 4 hours, and we would miss our connection to Kochi!  The airline was very upset that a big star like me was inconvenienced, so they comped us a room at the Novotel for the night in Hyderabad.  Ya, I'm just shittin' ya...we missed our f'n connection by 15 minutes, and had to get a room close to the airport to fly out the next day.  Novotel is a nice hotel...Cassandra said she was going to make to most of it and went for a swim at 8 pm...crazy old broad that she is!  Got to the airport early the next day only to find some sort of frat party going on, boarding our flight...crazy bare foot guys in dresses with their lunch on their heads...I know it sounds crazy, but there ya have it!

 I don't know what the hell these guys were up to, but they held onto the escalator like they were being pushed out of an airplane, screamed like little girls when the plane took off, and had a pool going as to who could get into the bathroom the most...other than that, an uneventful flight!

So tomorrow we are off to Lakshadweep...some tropical paradise in the middle of nowhere with no internet that we know of...sounds pretty good though...ya jealous?

In India, all is fair in love and roads.

We made it through another day of madness on the road...up to the other set of "caves".  If we hadn't seen the other ones first, these would be impressive, but after that first day, these seemed kind of ho-hum.

In the monsoon season, with the valley all green, and waterfalls all around this place, it would be staggeringly beautiful!  With everything gray and brown, it kind of looks like the Cleveland of "caves".  Don't get me wrong, these "caves" have their own charm...

 These temples had the big rooms too...30 foot high ceilings!

 As far as traveling in India...specifically, traveling by car...AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What do you think of when you hear of a cave?

OK, so we are in a foreign country, and maybe they have different words for things here.  Like clean means covered in cow shit, or quiet means no honking, or yelling for 2 seconds...just kidding, it's hardly like that more than 80% of the time!  So Cassandra wanted to come to this place to see "The Caves"...we are in a city called Aurangabad.  When I think of a cave, I think of a hole in the ground...this in NO f'n hole in the ground!

Are these people geniuses, or real bozo's?  Who decides to carve a temple out of solid rock?  Don't they know you can go to Home Depot and buy building shit?  This stuff is HUGE...even bigger than Trumps gut!  

 That's Cassandra standing on the edge of the cliff these guys hacked out of solid f'n ROCK!!!

 

 ...and it's not just the outside of the buildings...THESE DAMNED THINGS ARE HOLLOW!

Everything is level, flat, vertical,  and incredibly detailed!  WHO DOES SHIT LIKE THIS?...DIDN'T ANYONE TELL THEM IT'S SOLID F'N ROCK!!!  Look at the scale of this place... 

I took a lot of photos, but nothing (like all of India) can prepare you for what it REALLY is!

 That gallery is over 30 feet high...I took the photo from the balcony!

I don't know why, but Cassandra wanted me to take this photo of her on the toilet...

Yes, I know the photo is dark...it was f'n dark in there...IT'S A CAVE BOZO!  I don't know how they do this kind of stuff...they had sculptures of Cassandra and I...

Yes, I know I'm copping a little feel...so what?  There was, of course, the TLD fan club following me around wanting selfies and autographs...

This guy was the president of the fan club...

Cool hairhat huh?  Hey, it's India...relaxed dress code here!  Tomorrow is an even bigger temple out of rock...I should open a Home Depot here, I'm telling you!

Last day in Udaipur...sadly.

Yes, our last day...then off to Aurangabad...another one you should say 3 times fast...it means bad orangutan, not that there are any in India...WHAT?...you think I've got time to keep track of orangutan's?...get a grip dingleberry!  I just figured out how to spell Udaipur, now we leave.  Anyway, I have to admit being surprised by the statue of me in that pillar temple...how did they get such a startling likeness?...accurate right down to the...uh...well, I don't want to brag...the mask, ya, that's it, the mask!
So, we've spent a week in Udaipur, and believe it or not, it reminds me of San Francisco!...without the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay Bridge, the cable cars, Fisherman's Wharf, Candlestick Park, the Haight Ashbury, Golden Gate Park, the TransAmerica Pyramid...shit, what am I thinking, it's not at all like San Francisco!  Oh wait, there are hills...lots and lots of hills...and cows, goats, dogs, pigeons, and beggars who all want money to be photographed by moi.  Have they forgotten I'm me, and they aren't...silly beggars!  It was my last chance to get out there and get some old farts having the time of their lives...here's one...

...nope, he was just nodding off...how 'bout this guy...

...well, he's kind of grumpy...how 'bout this guy, he was just drinking a little chai...

...ya, that's more like it!...then there was this guy...

...he was great...he took off that orange hat and put it on me!

This old guy just kept on chanting SEAHAWKS!, SEAHAWKS!, SEAHAWKS!...I think he was still drunk from last year....

...and this old girl just kept saying WTF?...in Indian , of course...

...this one wanted me to take her photo, but had one hand in my pocket...she got a surprise when the python attacked!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...just another/last day in Udaipur!